Healing from childhood VHS tape

Rediscovering myself through video tape

Photo by Dids from Pexels

I’m so thankful that I’m able to watch videos from my childhood and see my parents enjoy one another’s company before they divorced.

You’d be surprised how much divorce can affect a kid if they are experiencing the aftermath of it at a young age. It’s important for me to note that if you experienced your parents splitting up when you were young, it wasn’t your fault. I’d been secretly blaming myself, thinking there’s something, perhaps, I could have done to stop it. Also, your parents splitting and even remarrying doesn’t invalidate your own existence. See yourself as a product of their union at its highest conception.

I’m equally as thankful that I’ve been able to enjoy my Mom before her schizophrenia affected her mood and personality. I actually forgot how much love she gave me when she was at her best. I forgot what aspects of her were lost to time.

I’m glad I can experience that house we lived in before it all went left. When everything was perfect.

I’m glad there’s footage of me complaining about the amount of attention I was getting at 5, being afraid that my sister would outshine me, forcing me into irrelevancy so I can address how that fear translated into some of my negative outlook on life.

I’m glad I can see my mom and my sister dance on New Years Eve to P.Y.T. By Michael Jackson.

I’m happy to be able to rewind and relive these moments over and over.

Spence The Modern Emcee is a freelance rap artist and writer. Custom rap songs can be made to order through his website or on Fiverr. Also check him out on Tik-Tok, Spotify, and Apple Music.

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